There have been many experiences over the years that have

greatly impacted my life and personality. A couple of experiences that

may have impacted my personality to a lesser degree was when I had

cancer or when I won my first race back when I raced cars. There is

one experience that changed my personality and my life forever after

it happened. That experience was a same sex kiss, the first time I

kissed a boy. At the time one might think it would negatively 

affect me but reflecting back I believe it was a very positive

experience. There is no doubt I changed and so did my world. I had

kissed girls before but my feelings that had been buried deep

inside were confirmed.

     Growing up in a small rural community I had no identity that I

wished to claim. Even at a young age I knew the meaning of “Don’t

ask, don’t tell.” My personality reflected neuroticism. I was very

emotional. High anxiety was a way of life and whoever knew me knew

I was very insecure. I was angry and often did not make good choices.

One of those moments was when traveling through a small town I

stopped at a small town bar. In those days boys did not wear

earrings. I wore an earring even though I was not out of the closet.

When all was said and done I was lucky I had a fast car, getting away

from numerous carloads of people chasing me five miles out of town.

My environment had a huge influence on my personality.

     When I kissed a boy for the first time my personality changed

rather rapidly. I left that small rural community moving to an

environment that was more gay friendly to the extent it was 35

years ago. My personality changed to extraversion, my human nature

required me to be a social being, I was able to do that. I learned to be

trusting, gave up shame and doubt, was not afraid to take the

initiative, no longer had confusion to my identity, and instead of

isolation I found intimacy. I had integrity. I have no doubt my

personality also changed to one of openness to experience. My

curiosity and humor reflects this part of my personality.

     I do believe my homosexuality is a result of genetic influence.

There is no logical reason growing up in the environment of a rural

community in north central Nebraska that my environment influenced

me to be gay. I can conceptualize my thoughts, feelings and behavior;

because of my personality I have been able to resolve any conflicts.